“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton
Author: Komal Biradar
You are important! You have right to be happy! You are more precious than anything in this world!
You have your own story. Your story needs to be heard. You may have untold stories inside you. No matter how hard it is for you to survive, believe me, you will have a good day. You are stronger than you ever thought. You are a warrior. You are fighting the battle inside your head every day. It may be anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder. You have walked wait it a long way. You are braver than you ever thought. No matter how depression is shaking your core, you are still willing to reach to the right person who will truly understand what you are going through and help you. You are brave because you have fought till date. You are a lovable person. I love you. I care for you. Your success, money, looks, does not matter to me. Your life matters for me because you are important. You are important because you are alive. Your pain doesn’t define you. You are much more than a pain you are going through right now. You are more than your depression, or mental illness. You are a person who has a good heart.
I had those feelings of helplessness and hopeless, numb heart, racing thoughts for years but I am still here sharing my story here. As like in any mentally ill person, I have had suicidal feelings many times. Although I have decided to write my story I am going through those continued thoughts of not being good enough in my head.
Yes I had plans to kill myself many times, but still I am sharing my life. I have anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder. You can’t truly laugh until you’ve cried a lot. I tried to kill myself because I saw suicide was the only option to escape from pain I had. There was something which pulled me back to life every time. There was a little voice inside me who was calling me. The voice was too small that it was even hard to listen. The inner person told me to at least write it once how I was feeling. How I was suffering. How pain was hurting me each moment. How hard it is to exist in a depression. The voice was there in my head but my depression and anxiety were just crushing its existence. My own depressed mind was telling me to just ignore that voice. My anxiety was asking me thousands of questions, making me panic and unable to breath. The voice inside me was like a candle in a storm. It was like, I was unable to see the existence of that voice. No matter how demons of depression and anxiety were jumping to destroy the voice. On bad days and in low of depression I was not listening to that good voice. My depression itself made too many noises due to which that good voice was unheard. During my panic attacks, voice was like in a coma but it was there.
One day I decided to listen that good voice inside me. Thanks to my depression. It decided to take a little rest. It told me if you want to die do it but before dying at least write your story. I heard that voice and wrote my story. Things which were bothering me. Things I want to tell others after my life. Things I always wished people to understand. I wrote all those thoughts and feelings. I kept it personal due to social stigma. I searched a lot and read thousands of stories by people around the world. And finally, I am publishing my own life as an open book. Again, that voice inside me told me to do so. Voice told me to reach to that one person feeling the same and say him you are not alone.
If you are reading this. You are going through tough time right now. Believe me, you will make it! You will survive through this darkness of depression. May be at the moment, you will find dealing with emotions a hardest thing in universe, but believe me, you will be alright, it is possible. With right medication, therapy, diet, sleeping habits it is possible to have productive live. I know you are brave, you care and you will make it. For single person it is hard to fight against social stigma but together we can. I have passed my message to you that I have overcome depression. You will too. Depression is a liar and it is like another person controlling your mind. Finally, I want to say you I love you, we love you and you are not alone.